


Join me in darkness (my bitter sweet love)

by laughinginthebreeze



Series: Dark Love [2]
Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death Fix, Dark, Dark Caroline, Dark Stefan, Dark Steroline, Drama, F/M, Love/Hate, Ripper Stefan, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughinginthebreeze/pseuds/laughinginthebreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 6x16 He's lost her. He's always lost her. It should be a bitter shame, but he no longer cares. He is not the hero of this story. He's not her hero. Steroline story. May continue :-)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The heaviness of his dilemma presses heavily on Stefan's mind, a guilt trip waiting to happen.

He should have been quicker, should have said _something_ , other than the useless extremities that came pouring out of his mouth, so _wrong_. So _stupid_.

He was too late, a hair line away from telling the truth, but he _just_ missed her.

He was on his way to tell her he loved her, and instead all he found was the unconscious body of the girl he used to know.

He's such an idiot.

**-X-**

 

Rage pounds hard against his ribcage. Jealousy knots its way around his stomach as he sees her laughing and dancing. A laugh no longer aimed at him, and a smile that looks absolutely delighted, emotion painted all over it.

Of course it isn't true.

And it's his fault.

The music throbs and screams uncontrollably through his ears, and he really hates raves, and he really hates himself, but _God_ , he loves her.

She flits in and out of his vision like an illusion painting the sky, or rain running down a window. He can't keep his eyes off of her.

The guilt presses heavily on his mind, silence refuses to take him.

Hope pushes him forward towards her.

"I like you, Caroline." He pushes, hesitant to reveal the shocking extent of his feelings for her. "I don't know when it became more than friendship, but it did."

Annoyance flares in her face, gone in the blink of an eye, but not before he catches it, but then she's _laughing_ at him.

It's then that he realises that he no longer knows who she is, this person, but it's not the Caroline he loves.

"See, that wasn't so hard was it?" There is steel in her tone, the verge of breaking the icecap, a void to suck emotion into. "Only took a couple years, cancer to devour my mum, and my to shut off my humanity but you finally _spit it out_."

Yes, she is on the verge of falling.

He pushes too hard, pushes her right off. For one tiny moment, he reaches the tiny part of her heart still intact, and just as he coaxes the light back to life, she douses it once again.

"Come back to me."

She falls, and he loses her again.

"You shouldn't have done that." She snaps, before leaving him again.

_He's so tired of losing her._

**-X-**

She's mad.

A new brand of beautiful insanity. The truth is cutting and she wields it like a knife.

Stefan is at a complete loss, nowhere to turn, as he watches her sink to the lowest she could go, reeling his secret niece and an innocent boy into her terrifying scheme.

"I'll do anything you want, I'll leave town, I'll stay away from you, Caroline. Please, just let her go." He pleads with her ghost.

"It doesn't matter how far away you are, you'll still be _you_. Kind, caring, who with one look can convince me that I'm not crazy. And that's the Stefan that I fell for, and that's the Stefan who can bring me back."

He's her one shot at humanity.

Hope sparks, before her words set in.

"Let go of that part of you, Stefan." Caroline's eyes burn holes in his skin.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Elena stares at her friend as though she's never seen her before.

"If Stefan wants to save Sarah's life," Caroline smirks. "All he has to do is shut off his humanity."

He realises then that she's a complete stranger to him.

That realisation hurts worst of all.

**-X-**

Stefan gives up.

He's been building towards it for a while, but he finally can't take it anymore.

Wood pierces his skin, freezes him in place, immobile and still, with the chilling knowledge that Caroline had won.

She slides her hand over his, and he feels the tingling warmth her touch always ignites. He loves her so much.

The crippling pain of knowing she doesn't care, though, that may have been the final straw.

Seven minutes later, he doesn't care either.

"Bring me back." He says to Elena, seconds before his words became meaningless lies. Seconds before he realises he doesn't mean it.

Elena begs him to stop, but he can't hear her anymore, all he can see is Caroline, and let's face it, he was no longer the hero of this story. What hero inflicts battle scars?

He closes his eyes as the humanity seeps out of him.

The ripper is awoken. Caroline smiles a dark sweet smile. He smiles back.

Oh, how they will paint this town red with blood.

What a pair they will make.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own tvd it belongs to Julie Plec and L.J Smith.

He feels nothing.

The silence and abstinence of the situation should be crushing him right now.

The silence is a cold and bitter thing.

Erupting out of lost souls, with vacant minds on their way to insanity. When it comes to vampires.

Time is an effortless stretch of infinity, a million ways to go wrong.

"Humanity is a vampire's greatest weakness." Somebody says this.

Humanity is his downfall, false and wicked, punishing.

Instead its revenge and blood that keeps him going.  
He relishes in it.

He relishes in his destruction.

 

-X-

 

Damon's fist crushes under his like glass. He laughs blackly as the vervain tipped needle drops to the ground. How predictable.

How fun.

"Stay out of my way today." He hisses, clenching the crossbow and the bombs tight in his grip as he walks away, with something close to elation.

He is losing his sanity.

He smiles darkly.

He doesn't care anymore.

Caroline Forbes would pay.

 

**-X-**

 

Step one: He kills the director.

Blood runs in rivulets down his hands, staining his memory and inking his humanity, but he just keeps going.

Her voice is killing him-it's a lie, smothering what she's become, what she's forced him into, and he's determined to unravel her.

Her entire existence as a control-freak emotionless vampire is an abomination, completely opposite to the reason for which the switch was created.

He doesn't like abominations. He likes breaking them.

She sings, face blank, eyes filled with desperate, false emotion, and he thinks, _how pathetic_ , sneers as the head drops from the faceless man's shoulders, and smirks at the annoyance, the bloodlust on her face.

"If you're humanity's off then you shouldn't really care how I deal." Caroline folds her arms, coldly staring him down.

He smiles back. That isn't going to stop him.

"Oh, no no no, see that's where you're wrong. Because, like you, I'm prone to doing bad things when my humanity is off, but, _unlike_ you, I don't have an elaborate system to keep me in check." Stefan shrugs.

"Well, that's not my problem." Caroline smiles triumphantly.

"Actually," Stefan steps towards her, a feral predatory instinct in his walk. "I'm _making_ it your problem."

Her smile fades.

"When my life starts falling apart after my humanity comes flooding back, then so does yours."

She's looking rather scared now.

"When I'm finished with you, you'll be drowning in mistakes."

She steps off the stage, getting in his face, mere inches away. "Is this seriously about revenge?" She hisses.

"Yes. It is." He grins blithely, enjoying her reaction as she flinches away from him slightly.

"And this," He holds up his hands, coated in so much red they look like gloves, "This is a control freaks worst nightmare. This is me, undoing your routine. This is me forcing you to let go," He smears a bloody thumb over her lip, teasing a reminder, relishing in the hunger in her eyes. "one day at a time. Until you break."

He walks away with the winning score; the uncertainty in her eyes at the monster she's created.

_Oh, Caroline, you haven't seen anything yet._

 

**-X-**

 

His bike crumbles underneath him, useless and broken. Annoyance flares through him; he's underestimated her.

"Oh shoot! Is your bike okay?" Caroline asks, all innocence and concern, the knowing smirk now on her lips and the sheer beauty of it on her face tugs at his heart a little bit. "Need money to find a bus?"

"Seriously?" He smirks. She's so petty.

"I just had to stuff the director's body into a furnace. Do you know how hard it is to get an audition during spring break?" She spits out through clenched teeth. If anything, she's angry right now. His smirk grows; her control is cracking.

"Come on, Caroline, it was easy!" He prods further. "All you had to do was shed some tears over your mum's funeral, play the cancer card, and boom! Your precious routine is back on track. Am I wrong?" He knows he's being a dick, but he's starting to think that that's the best part of him. That's what makes it fun.

Caroline scowls at him. "This is your only warning. Go away." She starts to march off, but there's no way Stefan's letting her have the last word.

"Neat, organised Caroline." He muses, kneeling down to look at his destroyed bike. She freezes, then turns back to face him, steel in her eyes.

"Staying within the lines. Brilliant at control, _terrible_ at revenge."

She laughs, but there's an annoyed bite to her tone. "I dismantled your bike."

"I tore your director's head off with my teeth." He states, examining the bike and picking up a stray bolt from the floor.

"Oh, my God. Caroline, did you literally just _unbolt_ this damn thing? I mean, it's gonna take me, what, ten minutes to put this back together? You are an embarrassment to humanity-free vampires everywhere." She really is an amateur.

She marches over to him, fire flaring in her eyes, and punches a hole in the gas tank, petrol leaking out everywhere.

Her wicked and gloating smile stays with him a long time.

She's won this round, but he's not deterred, he's having way too much fun.

She's got nothing on the Ripper.

 

**-X-**

 

"What are you doing?" She demands. His return is clearly a surprise.

Stefan straightens, turning to face her. "Well, I brought a little piece offering. All that singing and furnace stuffing, you must be parched."  
He pulls out the pin, and throws the grenade at her. There is a sick fascination in the way he watches her as she falls, the bomb snagging tears and burns in her skin.

Fascination, because he doesn't really care anymore.

Obsession, but not love, she took that from him.

_Caroline took everything._

He jumps on her, stake in hand. "See, _this_ is how a vampire with no humanity is supposed to act." He allows the jealousy to leak into his tone, because there is _no way_ she should be allowed that perfect control when he is always the one who needs it most. He won't let her not fall apart.

He taunts and pushes, until the panic in her eyes becomes more than just a flare, because he may have underestimated her, but she's underestimated _him_ , assuming he's still the person deep down, that he still cares about her.

Really deep down, he probably does. Just not enough.

"Come on, Caroline, just let go." He's practically pleading now, crushing her with the force of his will. "I promise it'll feel good."

Trouble is, she has a will of her own to contend with.

"I'm not gonna let you ruin my life." The fire in her eyes flares back full force, determined and strong.

He loses it a little bit more there, because she made him like this, she would deal with the consequences no matter what.

Desperation is his insanity.

"Okay, well then I'll just end it." He growls. His stake comes down, ready to finish it all, destroy everything, when she bites, furious and fiery, slamming him to the floor and shoving the stake into his chest, rendering him immobile.

She may have been ready to deal with him, but nothing could have prepared her for the realisation as to how far he would go.

He may have lost the battle, but he's winning the war.

 

**-X-**

 

This is admittedly harder than he thought.

Her control is dissolving but still incredibly _there_.

"So to summarize," She approaches him, stake in hand as he lays sprawled and useless on the floor, as the girl he impales is somehow saved. "Losing control makes you an idiot, increases your chances of getting caught, and worst of all, actively making choices, that-"

He slams her against the wall, for no good reason really. Enzo and Alaric have a death wish, and for some reason he still wants to protect her.

Their sad and pathetic discussion makes him sneer. Enzo's pathetic love life involving his niece deserves a snort of derision, and a vervain bomb tearing through the hallway in utter destruction.

These people were _pathetic_ , how did he honestly _stand_ them?

"Well, Damon must be up to something good if he sent out the B-team." Stefan picks up a stray gun, heading towards Enzo. "What do you say we send him a little message?"

He has to say, he's the most surprised when Caroline picks up the other gun, aiming it at him, the painful point prodding into his chest making a painful reminder of what he used to be.

"What are you doing?" Her control was fun before, but now it's merely annoying.

"Stopping you from leaving the cleaning staff two dead bodies." She retorts. "Not to mention killing Elena's former guardian and your brother's best friend. Did you _like_ being locked up and tortured to get your humanity back?"

"It must be so _exhausting_ overthinking everything, denying your own urge to kill and just be done with theme." Stefan sighs, shaking his head in mock pity.

Caroline responds by jabbing the gun point into his chest. " _Back away_."

"Fine." He drops the gun. "If that's what you want." He'll just have to break her the hard way. He storms up the stairs, barging into the girl's dormitory and grabbing her roughly by the shoulders.

"Hey! Hey! Where are you going?" Caroline demands, marching into the room as he yanks the whimpering girl to her feet.

Stefan smiles, letting the prickly sense of thirst and hunger override him. "You think I don't know everything about you? I taught you how to control your bloodlust, remember?" He smirks before jerking the girl's face towards him and compelling her.

"Stand still and don't scream."

"What are you doing?" Caroline asks again.

"The thing that you keep resisting." His fangs drop out, and he buries them deep in the neck of the nameless, gorging his feel as the sweet coppery taste fills his mouth and restores his will to live. The hunger flares on her face again, well hidden, but not well hidden enough.

"If you're trying to tempt me, it's not working." She snaps, regaining her composure... he _almost_ doesn't catch the snag in her expression, the flaw in her control.

"I don't have to try. Deep down, you and I are exactly the same, Caroline. Come on. You can break routine for a second, right?" He turns the girl around, lifting her head up, extending her neck to a wavering Caroline.

"She has a really pretty neck." He whispers, the sweet smile back on his lips, innocent as the blood that paints them red, before biting into the soft tissue again, savouring the power and burying his humanity, pouring all his might into _forcing_ Caroline to crack, blood smearing, tempting, ravishing. The hunger flashes again, swifter and deeper, and this time she doesn't try to bury it.

In the end, she gives in, breaks her illusion of control, just like he knew she would.

It was an effort, sure, but completely worth it.

In the end, her insatiable desire for control couldn't win out against his brand of insanity.

She rips into the girls neck with a ruthless intensity as she throws her control to the wind and he relishes in the destruction he's creating, as he looks at her, almost proud, almost loving. Almost Stefan.

Their eyes meet, and all of a sudden, it's like an electrical surge is pulling them together. He'd felt it before, but now he's suddenly attracted to her more strongly than he could ever have been with emotions.

Without even meaning to, their mouths somehow collide, and he's lost in her world, abandoning the last of his humanity as he rips off her jacket, and she flicks off his belt with ease. They are going way to fast to stop and for some reason he doesn't want it to stop.

He's almost in love with her again, but he's too unforgiving to feel anything but emotionless hate.

Because she did this to him.

Yes, what a pair they are.

 

**-X-**

 

Heat is still racing through his body as he kisses down her neck, lost in a haze of pleasure and the lurking knowledge that he had won.

"See, control is overrated." He breathes out, hand flat on her stomach, lips seeking skin. She giggles, pulling the blanket around them tighter as she rolls onto him, looking at him with something close to the way she used to.

He kinda misses that look.

But not enough to truly care.

Caroline smiles, deep and sultry, eyes eagerly searching his.

"You were right. Your way is _much_ more fun."

He smiles darkly as she leans in to kiss him, relishing in the monster he's created.

Now she's his.

 


	3. Chapter 3

"So," Caroline shrugs on her bra. She stands up, heading towards the door, probably to go get her T-shirt from the dead girl outside.

"Now what?"

He smirks sadistically. Pain and triumph lay ahead, smushed together, unexpected delight.

"Now we have fun."

 

**-X-**

 

There is a dead person at his feet. Broken and battered beyond recognition, which only seems to add to the fun.

He has a bet, you see, with Caroline Forbes, woman of his dreams, ruler of nightmares, that she couldn't scare someone to death, especially not by dropping a body from the ceiling in front of them.

It's amusing, to say the least, watching her try to frighten the already frightened man, taunting him, provoking him, and completely failing to scare him with his dead body dropping from the ceiling. There's no way Caroline could ever really be a proper humanity less vampire.

"Oh, my God," she grins, "Are those _spiders_ all over your body?!"

Then he dies of a _loophole._

She turns to him, as he stares, somewhat shocked and bitterly annoyed, a smug look on her face as the nameless man chokes and drags in his final breath, his pounding heart beating and thumping rapidly out of control.

"Hmm, look at that! I won! Poor guy was so scared that he died of a heart attack." She grins excitedly.

"No, that's not fair! Technically, he died of a loophole." Stefan argues, gritting his teeth.

"A win is a win." She smirks, stepping into his personal space. "So, you know what we do now?"

Stefan grumbles, feeling the sudden, momentary urge to stamp his feet. "Yes, unfortunately I do... Karaoke."

He supposes it doesn't matter now, since he _did_ claim her once and for all.

**-X-**

She looks beautiful.

It is something he recognises even without his humanity on, (which would be now tormenting him with the fact that they had completely meaninglessly slept together) and it is something that he will and always had recognised regardless.

But now there was just an empty pit where his feelings for her were once stored. He's almost scared of what's going to happen once they come flooding back.

She sings, sings all night long, like an eternal mockingbird, and when the people come in through the doors, she sings some more.

"Hey! Taylor Swift! We're trying to study here!" A student suddenly snaps at Caroline, who smiles and wags her finger at the girl. Despite his inability to care, the girl annoys him, the way she speaks to Caroline.

"Where's the manager in this place?" The girl scoffs.

Stefan steps up to the girl, an innocent smirk on his face as he looks into her eyes.

"Someone ask for the manager?"

Two minutes later, he finally shuts her up, a deep cut in her hand and blood trickling into a cup, docile and silent, with some empty ghost emotion of triumph.

He wonders briefly if it's because Caroline's smiling at him.

 

**-X-**

 

Tyler and Matt come in. Horrified, blatantly shocked and scared all rolled into one at the patrons sitting there, silently staring at Caroline singing away, and him holding a bloody knife and dripping blood from the annoying girl into a cup.

Goody.

"What did we just walk into?" Tyler asks warily, stepping back.

"Oh, look! It's the police officers in training. Are you guys here to arrest us?" Stefan taunts, smirking at their disgusted looks. He points the knife at the girl, compelling her. "You can go away now."

The girl hurries away, freaked out and cradling her injured hand whilst Stefan casually watches and drinks her blood from the cup.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tyler asks, eyes wide.

Stefan shrugs. "I'm just enjoying the music." and then more innocently. "You guys want next song?"

"We should get out of here." Matt mutters worriedly and both turn to leave, but Stefan vamp-speeds over to block them from leaving.

"No, stay! Caroline's taking requests."

It's amusing, to say the least, watching them stand there awkwardly, listening to their ex-girlfriend sing a human song without even being human anymore, and all he wants to do is prove to them that _she is his._

They clap half heartedly, make their discomfort known, but Caroline doesn't want them to leave, she wants to taunt and play games and _he_ wants to give her _what_ she wants.

So he leaves whilst she toys and twists with revenge on the boys that always gave her second place in her life whilst he feeds on some of Whitmore's population. He's just starting on some TA when he hears her give them one final ultimatum.

"Correct! Hahaha! Okay, now a tiebreaker! Whoever answers first... wins. What was my mum's final memory before she died?"

She's sick and twisted and clever and he _loves_ the monster he's created.

"How would we even begin to know that?" asks a frustrated Tyler.

"Oh, I'm sure I mentioned it at some point."

"No, you didn't." Matt insists, the undercurrent of worry in his tone more than obvious.

"Come on! Tick-tock, tick-tock. Judges are waiting for a final answer! What was my mom's final memory before she kicked the bucket?" Caroline announces again. He can feel her smug smirk from here, and chooses that moment to return from the back of the restaurant.

"Well, looks like, uh, Whitmore's gonna need a new philosophy TA." He says, licking blood off of his lips. He looks over at Caroline. "Hmm. Your mum was teaching you how to ride a bike."

"Bingo!" Caroline exclaims excitedly. "And Stefan wins, which means you two lose. Which isn't that bad, actually, because that just means we get to kill the both of you." She grins sadistically.

"Right, how shall we do this?" She murmurs, examining her annoyed exes very much like a butcher examining a piece of meat.

She thinks for a few moments, before jumping off the table. "Okay, I've got it. Stefan, give me a coin." She smiles at him, and he is only to happy to oblige.

She flicks the coin up into the air and catches it before covering it up with her hand, whilst he sits nearby, watching with interest as she toys with their mind, glancing at each of them suggestively.

Caroline turns to him. "Heads, I kill Tyler, and tails, I kill Matt. Deal?"

"Sounds good to me." Stefan replies.

Caroline looks at both Matt and Tyler for a moment, before she steps towards Tyer and holds her hands out to show him the coin. Just as she is about to reveal their fates, Tyler angrily shoves her hands out if the way, sending the coin spinning along the floor.

"Oooh! Looks like somebody's angry." Stefan grins excitedly.

Caroline walks back towards him and rolls her eyes. "He's a wolf. It's his resting face."

"You wonder why everyone hates vampires?" Tyler demands, teeth clenched, a seething animalistic form of fury. "Look at you, messing with people for no reason! That's _really_ brave."

Tyler suddenly rolls to his feet, grabs his chair and smashes it against table, shattering it intk pieces in his anger. He picks up a broken piece and throws it at Stefan which flies harmlessly over his head and grabs another piece as a makeshift stake, but Stefan merely finds it funny, and Caroline obviously does as well because she giggling that giggle he has come to appreciate.

Wow. He should have learnt by now. Talking to and threatening humanity free vampires _just_ didn't _work._

They both walk over to Tyler, unconcerned, but Matt looks terrified.

"Tyler, what are you doing?"

Stefan laughs. "Are you serious?" How pathetically _stupid_ of him.

"What's wrong, Stefan? Not used to people fighting back?" Tyler snarls aggressively at him.

"No, actually, I'm just not used to people being this stupid." Stefan retorts, stepping closer to him as Caroline giggles again.

"Alright, Ty, _stop_ , he will kill you." Matt pleads with his friend. He turns to Stefan frantically. "Stefan, he's sorry!"

"Haha!" Caroline laughs, a mocking tone to her voice as she approaches Tyler. "See that little vein in his forehead? I used to think it was so sexy, but now I'm pretty sure it's just all the blood leaving his brain." She smirks.

" _Screw_ you, Caroline." Tyler sneers. He points his stake threatingly at Caroline and Stefan.

"Come on. Either of you, come at me!" Well, he seems to have gone crazy.

"Ty, stop!" Matt yells, panicked.

"Hey, Caroline?" Stefan jumps in, enjoying this game of back forth, despite its lack of blood. "I will gladly kill him for you, but I know what a jerk he was during your relationship, so if you want-"

"I want." She says in a finalising tone. She stares at Tyler and smiles. "Come on, Tyler. I _dare_ you." She adds in a patronising tone.

"Ty, stop. She will kill you." Matt repeats anxiously, glancing warily at the three of them.

"Get out of here, Matt." Tyler says, and then all of a sudden lunges for Caroline, about to drive his stake into her abdomen, and Stefan goes to intervene, but Caroline vamp-speeds over to Matt and grabs him, using him as a human shield, causing Tyler to accidentally stab Matt in the stomach instead. Tyler gapes in horror, as Matt splutters wordlessly in pain, and yanks the stake out quickly, but the damage has already been done.

Stefan chuckles, deeply amused at the look on Tyler's face and how Caroline lets Matt slump to the ground, groaning in agony. Then she turned to Tyler, smirking innocently. "Nice going, Tyler."

Tyler quickly takes his jacket off and presses it against Mary's wound, desperately trying to stabalise his condition, whilst Stefan and Caroline gleefully watch from the sidelines as their day of torture just keeps getting better and better, especially since Caroline keeps smirking his way and he can't seem to not care whenever she does that.

"I'm sorry, Matt. Come one. You can't die on me, man." Tyler begs, pressing harder on Matt's stomach.

"So, for those of us keeping score," Caroline says snidely, twisting the bloody stake around in her hand. "if Matt dies, are you gonna start peeing on fire hydrants again?"

"Ooh, that's a very good question. I mean, if all that rage made you think that you could take us both, maybe this is Nature's way of reconnecting you with your true self?" Stefan shrugs rhetorically, enjoying Tyler's reaction.

"Shut up!" Tyler snapped at them.

Their argument is cut short by the door clicking open. Damon walks in, with a women following at his heels. It takes a moment for Stefan to recognise her, but he does his brain seems to stop working, his heart has jumped into his throat.

It's his mother.

How is she here? How did Damon find her? Was she a vampire? A million questions richochet through his head at a thousand miles an hour, but he's too shocked to properly think about them.

"Who's that?" Caroline asks, jolting Stefan out of his stunned shock.

"That's my mother." He answers. An unrecognisable emotion struggles to push to the surface, volatile and unpredictable, which he knows means the end.

Damon looks over at Matt, realising he's badly injured, before sighing in exasperation and digging his car keys out of his jacket pocket. "Come on. Get him out of here. Here, take my car." Damon says, tossing the keys to Tyler.

"Come here, man." Tyler says, wrapping an arm around Tyler's waist.

Matt is still groaning in pain as Tyler helps him up and out the door. Caroline is looking at Lily, completely confused, whilst Stefan scowls at her, because there is _no way_ that this woman can be standing in front of him right now.

"So... you have a _mother_?" Caroline finally asks him, looking at the approaching Lily in shock, and Stefan can do nothing but stare.

"I had a mum. She died. So, whoever this is is Damon's lame attempt to get my humanity back on." Stefan says flatly.

His switch almost flutters out of existence, let's loose a range of feelings that threaten to tear him apart.

He can't do this.

He doesn't want to feel it. The pain he's caused, the killings, _Caroline_ , everything in general.

But most of all the love that he felt for his mother.

She takes a tentative step forward, cautious as if he'll lash out, which is something he is seriously considering.

"Stefan." She whispers, stepping in front of him. She's only a few feet away, and he's not entirely sure what he's going to do if she gets any closer. If she crosses that line.

His switch trembles and flares, everything he's been holding back ready to come flooding through him, every single emotion he knew he should be feeling right now. All down to this one woman who couldn't stick around long enough to watch him grow up.

He won't let that be the cause that brings back his humanity. He _can't._

The switch slams shut back onto his emotions.

"My mother died in 1858." Stefan says flatly. Damon looks annoyed, Lily perturbed.

"Stefan-"

"My mother wouldn't have abandoned me, nothing would have stopped her." He curls his lip at her. " _You_ aren't my mother. My mother is dead."

He leaves then, pushes past them all, doesn't know exactly where he's going, but he needs to be away from all the _betrayal,_ the _lies._

_He couldn't let them win._

He's so distracted, blinded by the tint of fury and shock that threaten to overwhelm him, that it's only when he nearly crashes into the door of the Boarding House with his motorcycle that he realises where he's been going.

Fury almost blindsides him; almost.

He regains control, the Ripper overrides any other ability to feel, cold, detached, alone. Just what he needs it to be.

Lies and deception apparently seem to run in their blood. He got the Ripper inheritance, Damon got the bittersweet taste of vengeance and betrayal running through his veins.

And then she's there. Only because Damon is hovering just outside. His mother. A mother who doesn't care.

He can tell because she bears the same emptiness in her eyes he's seen a thousand times before. In Damon's eyes, Caroline's, Elena's, _his._

"Stefan, I know that this is a shock, but please-"

"I told you," he hisses bitterly. "You're dead to me. Why should I begin to care for you when it's so _painfully_ obvious that you don't care for me?" He abruptly turns away, not waiting for an answer and slams the door to his room shut. It's there that he jumps out of his window and makes his way somewhere _away_ from here, maybe kill or feed on a few people to calm himself down and forget that this insane day, where apparently people apparently materialised from the dead after two centuries, had _ever_ happened.

It doesn't even occur to him until he's there that he has been heading right towards Caroline's dorm room.

 

**-X-**

 

Damon is utterly stumped. Out of ideas. Completely at a loss. His mother hadn't worked. The mother, whom Stefan had mourned for since he was ten years old, hadn't been enough to snap his humanity back on. He had no clue what to do next. He's lost Stefan, possibly forever, this time.

And the worst part is that this was a totally new feeling to him.

He has absolutely no idea what to do next.

"What do you mean it didn't work?" Elena's voice interrupts his thinking. He tries impatiently not to sigh in irritance. After getting back, finding out the love of his life had forgotten him, literally, and having finally gotten Bonnie back, what he had had with Elena now just seems somehow... empty. He has such a strong connection with Bonnie, the times they spent together in the prison world somehow means so much more to him than the last year alive ever would.

"I mean Elena, that Stefan is still running around chewing people's heads off with Blondie because Lily is apparently _incompetent_ as a mother, and Stefan can apparently read emotions like the back of his hand!" Damon snaps, exhaling heavily.

Elena steps back, looking hurt and Damon feels a stab of guilt. "Sorry, I just... I thought I'd have him back today, you know. We can't have two rippers running around, it could blow our cover."

"I know," Elena nods, looking sympathetic, sits down on a sofa a few feet away. "is there anyone else? Anyone, anything that could trigger Caroline or Stefan?"

"No-" Something suddenly jolts inside Damon's memory. Of course! The one person Stefan hated above everyone, who he tortured and manipulated almost beyond endurance. The secret he and Bonnie kept locked away, about what _really_ went on in that prison world. It could mean re-unleashing the devil, but it's the only chance he has left, and he has nothing left to lose.

"Yeah, maybe..."

Damon quickly pulls out his phone, ignoring Elena's confusion, and begins to text, shrugging away the guilt pressing on his stomach because he knows that what he's about to do will make Stefan hate him forever.

_If you really want her back, meet me tomorrow morning._

Damon hopes that he hasn't just made the worst mistake of his life.

 

**-X-**

 

It's night time now.

Stefan realises that as he tilts his head up at the sky, gasping for air as he let's his last victim of the day lumber away. To a human, she would just appear drunk.

He doesn't know where Caroline is, she said something about going inside the small bar they'd found for some drinks, though he's a little fuzzy on the details from the high of blood, so he stumbles inside the bar, looking for, well, he doesn't quite know what to call her, when he sees the body by the counter.

Caroline. Arms flung out to her sides, blonde hair fanned around her, neck hanging at an odd angle, completely unconscious.

He frowns, nearly worried. Because vampires didn't fall with broken necks for no reason.

The door opens again, and Stefan turns back around, fully prepared to stake whoever came through that door if they didn't leave right then. His money's on Damon or Elena. Using Caroline as a distraction to slow him down.

"Damon, if you're trying to antagonise my humanity back into existence with our mother again, don't bother-" he stops suddenly, the surprise of who is standing there freezing him in place, threatening to destroy him, plague him with nightmares.

"Hello, shadow self."

Because it's Silas.

**So...who do you think is the** _**she** _ **Damon's talking about?**

**I'm also linking this story to another of my stories called** _**Beautiful Darkness,** _ **so you can probably guess. :-)**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...who do you think is the she Damon's talking about?
> 
> I'm also linking this story to another of my stories called Beautiful Darkness, so you can probably guess. :-)  
> Don't copy please.


	4. Chapter 4

 

He runs. It's the first thing that enters his mind and he can't think of anything else to do, and then he rebounds off the door frame, stumbling backwards. Confusion burns through him and he reluctantly turns back towards hell.

"I wouldn't try leaving if I were you." Silas calls out to him, an arrogant smirk on his face. "I've bound the place to the sun. You're trapped here till dawn. And even then don't count on me not frying your brain to stop you from leaving. Not to mention your girlfriend over there." He indicates Caroline, who is still sprawled unconscious on the floor.

"Well, well, I guess Damon stooped to his lowest." Stefan says, rolling his eyes. He can't let his doppelgänger see the fear struggling to surface that Caroline will suffer. "Let me guess, this is some sort of sick revenge kick, right?"

Silas steps further into the room, and sits down at a table, making himself comfortable. "Is that fear in your voice? I've been informed that I'm your worst nightmare."

Stefan smiles tightly. Waves of memories threaten to overwhelm him, before he quickly shoves it away. He doesn't want Silas to see that _yes,_ he _is_ his weakness, his worst nightmare. "It seems you heard wrong."

"It seems I haven't." Silas retorts. "Your mind tells me otherwise."

"Well, thanks to you my mind is no longer completely sane, maybe _that's_ what it's telling you." Stefan snaps hotly. It's a lie. He's starting to feel claustrophobic, trapped with nowhere to go or hide, and he has to admit, it isn't a feeling he likes.

"Ooh, you sound angry." Silas muses to himself, propping his legs up on the table.

"I'm not angry!" Stefan yells, then realises Silas is baiting him, just like the way he baited Caroline, a lifetime ago, and takes in a sharp breath to calm himself. "That would convey emotion, something I'm pretty sure I've established I no longer have."

Silas smirks, and opens his mouth to answer when a loud groan interrupts him. They both look by the counter to see Caroline groggily sitting up, looking around in confusion.

"Stefan, what's going on? Did you - ?" Her gaze falls on Silas, and her mouth gapes open in shock.

"Hello, Caroline." Silas greets politely. "Sorry I had to snap your neck, Damon's got something of mine that I need in return for your feelings. Or more preferably, Stefan's."

"You're dead." She states, standing up and warily taking a step back.

"Obviously not, since I'm right here." He sighs, and rolls his eyes, raising his hand. A bottle of bourbon flies into it, and he uncorks it and takes a swig. "Though if you mean dead by Stefan throwing a knife in my chest and Bonnie letting me get sucked into Oblivion, then yes, I died, all you now see is an immortal, now once again _unkillable_ , psychic witch, in case you two were getting any ideas."

"Hmmm," Stefan laughs. "So now you're back to being unkillable and immortal, why are you wasting your time with us? You've made it perfectly clear you don't care about us, so why bother?"

"I told you, Damon has something I need. Something very important to me."

Stefan sighs. "So he called you up to take my failure of a mother's place, and you fell for it, how convenient. Well, your stupid, 'important' thing is gonna have to wait a while."

Suddenly, his mind explodes with memories. _Choking on stale water, pounding raw fists against a safe door that will never open, and the drowning...drowning, never ending drowning, the quarry in his gullet, squirming, waterfalls of water filling his bloated body, his organs erupting inside him, churned into mush..._

"Get out of my head!" Stefan growls in a choked voice, stumbling back. The vision disappears, and he falls back against a table, taking in deep breaths.

Silas is carefully hiding his smirk behind his bottle of bourbon. "You see, Stefan, this is how things are going to play out. Every time you annoy me, I will remind you of your time in the safe, and _I will make you relive it_. If you turn it back on, and I'll know, then I can let you go."

Stefan glares at him, unable to comprehend and voice his violent hatred.

_Hatred._

An emotion, meaning his whole life is about to come rushing back at him full-force.

"You'll be waiting awhile." Stefan says, smiling innocently, swallowing the bitter emotion.

"I can _literally_ wait here forever, Stefan." Silas holds out his hands to gesture around him. "I waited in a tomb for two thousand years, I'm here for however long it takes until you find yourself again."

It is Caroline, who has been silent up until now, who replies in a snarky tone. "Yeah, well, as soon as dawn comes up, we can just snap your neck and leave."

"Well," Silas says back, and smiles. "I'll enjoy watching you try."

Caroline scoffs. "Yeah, and succeed. You're just a pathetic, lonely old man who wanted too much from life, and couldn't even manage to cheat on his fianceé properly, and now, all these years later, you're still lonely and pathetic, but you're bored, and want to torture us into humanity for entertainment." She laughs, ignoring the fire gleaming in Silas' eyes, and Stefan's warning glare. "You are the _definition_ of useless and forgotten."

"You really don't want to piss me off, Caroline." Silas says stonily. "I'm not Stefan; I've don't have a conscious, so no, I _really_ don't mind killing you, even if it is for _entertainment,_ in order to get to what I want." He stares at them, and all of a sudden, he looks very vulnerable. And angry.

"I may be a pathetic, lonely, old man, but I am more powerful than you can ever imagine, and trust me, I'm sure you remember the time I haunted and hunted you, and I will make it seem like a dream come true compared to what I will do to you if you _don't stop talking_." He glares with absolute finality at her, before turning to Stefan.

"Now, where were we, before we were so rudely interrupted?"

"It's a shame, Silas." Caroline says sweetly, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers. "You really are completely unlovable, aren't you? Both your girlfriends killed themselves after all, does that not say something to you?"

"Oh, good grief." Silas sighs in annoyance, before lifting his hand. A chair falls over and shatters, as a broken piece of chair leg comes flying through the air, embedding itself in Caroline's chest. It grazes her heart and she gasps out in pain, falling to her knees, back arched.

"NO!" Stefan yells without thinking, panic overriding thought as her body flops to the ground, her eyes rolling back in her head. The rational, emotionless part of him told him to stay calm, she wasn't dead, and, well, she had asked for it, so she was only to blame for that. It doesn't stop him falling with her, ripping the wood out of her chest, tears filling his eyes, as the relief she was fine started to seep in.

"Urgh, finally, I thought she'd never shut up." Silas rolls his eyes, before standing up. Stefan glares at him.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you!" He seethes, the words firing uncontrollably from his mouth, and he stands up.

"Ohhh, anger, now we're getting somewhere." Silas grins, stepping towards him gleefully.

"No, it means I have a limit to how far I will go. If you kill her, I'll feel the pain of losing her if I have my humanity on, and I don't really want to have to experience that." Stefan replies coolly.

Silas stares at him thoughtfully, and it isn't a feeling Stefan likes, like his soul is being scoured, or his thoughts picked apart.

"I can see myself in your eyes now." Silas suddenly says, still looking at him, now with mild interest.

Stefan rolls his eyes. How _utterly_ boring. He was expecting the world's most powerful being to try a little harder than this.

"So?"

"I never used to be able to see myself in your eyes before."

"Ooh, ouch, I can _feel_ my humanity snapping back on at those words." Stefan quips sarcastically.

"You've-" Silas tilts his head at him, eyes narrowed. " _changed._ You're not so sad anymore. You used to be very sad. Remember?"

_The pain lies heavy in his heart. She picked him. Damon. His own brother, fighting him for a woman who could never love enough._

_"I love you, Damon."_

_It hurt. The feeling of being stabbed over and over again wasn't entirely new to him, but her passionate speech about Damon sliced a thousand little cuts all over his heart every time he remembered, and it was a million times worse. That feeling, lodged in his chest, that deep ache. The hurt, the pain, but also something else._

_Of not being worthy enough. Worthy of the precious love of Elena Gilbert, undesired, unloved. Despite his sacrifices for her, doing everything in his power to make her happy where Damon failed, his brother still came out winning._

_He always came out winning. Even if Stefan was the first choice, Damon always managed to wheedle his way in and make himself unforgettable. Elena Gilbert was no exception._

_Stefan was glad Damon would get a chance to be happy. But even so, a bitter and charring emotion called hatred, and a cold and curdling one called jealousy curled their way down his spine._

"Shut up!" Stefan yells, moving forward into Silas' personal space and shoving him away as far as he can, like he tries to shove away his humanity. Silas falls into a table, and it shatters beneath him, leaving him to fall gracelessly onto the floor. Stefan feels a glorious moment of satisfaction, before Silas stands up, smirking, and clearly unharmed.

"Clearly _that_ made an impact on you. Let me guess, me leaving to drown in that safe just after Elena dumped you was the salt in the wound?"

"No, Elena was a minor trip in my life, you however, ruined my life."

Suddenly, Caroline is convulsing on the floor, her limbs flailing, her head whipping from side to side in a panic.

"What are you doing?" Stefan asks, as calmly as he can, as blood starts erupting from her mouth.

"Oh, I'm just giving her a severe aneurysm and slowing down her healing abilities. Apparently, mixed with the victim being unconscious, it sends them into a seizure. She won't remember much of it, but anyway, it makes it easier to get inside her head and make her see illusions."

Stefan's mouth is suddenly dry. "What kind of illusions?"

"Oh, just illusions of her mum, you, breaking her heart, the time when I pretended to be Matt and Klaus to scare her, etcetera." Silas shrugs.

Stefan swallows, and looks away, trying to play nonchalant. Her pain is causing him distress and he's not sure how much longer he can fight it.

"Let it in, Stefan." Silas says quietly.

Stefan shakes his head vigorously, determined to stay behind the wall, reigning and battling with control.

Just when he thinks he's won, Caroline screams, and he loses the war.

As dawn breaks the sky, the walls tumble down, and he is knocked staggering to the floor by the emotions and memories that hit him, drowning out his senses.

As his emotions come bombarding back, vaguely he is aware of Caroline coming around. She stands up slowly, frowning at the red hole in her dress, before looking over at him, on his knees, tears in his eyes, and her eyes widen in horror. He looks pleadingly at her, to stay, to not leave, to be with him, but that seems to make it worse because she starts _laughing_ , and then zooms to the door, before turning to face him.

"Sorry Stef, but thanks for the head start." She grins evilly, before speeding out the door, leaving him alone with his emotions and a mad man.

An eternity passes before the silence breaks.

"You didn't go after her."

"No," Stefan agrees numbly, rising to his feet, and staring at him through the tears. "Neither did you."

Silas looks almost pitiful, and it's not something they have ever worn well. "I know what love is, Stefan. I wouldn't have gone after her because it's you she needs. Not me torturing her any longer than necessary."

Stefan nods, and for the first time, meets Silas' gaze. He looks almost understanding. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you."

Silas smiles, and for a moment it looks genuine. "Well, to your credit, it certainly wasn't easy."

Stefan smiles back, before brusquely heading for the door. He needs to find Damon, then Caroline, and ask him why and how he involved Silas, because he knows Silas won't give him all the answers.

"Stefan," Silas calls out. He turns to look at him.

"It's okay to fall, you know. Every hero has the right to fall."

He wishes it were that simple.

 

 

**-X-**

 

 

He runs into Damon when he gets home. A relieved brother, who smiles triumphantly at getting his only family back.

"You're back." Damon says, grinning at him.

Stefan smiles tightly. He's not sure whether he's ready to forgive him just yet for bringing back the one person that had really, truly, terrified him.

"Yeah." He mutters, throwing his arms out to the sides. "It was about time. You guys needed me around here from the looks of things." He jokes. Damon laughs once, before an awkward silence ensues, which includes Damon shifting his weight on feet uneasily.

"Why didn't you tell me that Silas had come back to life?" Stefan finally asks him. Damon had to have known that Silas had still been around, otherwise he wouldn't have known to contact him. The long, awkward pause continues between them, before Damon eventually answers.

"I didn't think he would be bothering us for a while. But then Bonnie came back, and he returned, somehow he knew, and he wanted to know where she was."

"Who?" Stefan asked, confused. "He wanted to know about _Bonnie?_ "

"No, not Bonnie, he just wanted...to know about something else." Damon looks away. "Look, I'll tell you later. But right now, you have one night to do your shame spiral, but then you have to go after Caroline."

He smiles at the thought, grim and delighted.

"I don't need a night. I'll find her." _No matter what it takes._

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own tvd, it belongs to Julie Plec and L.J Smith.
> 
> I'm also thinking of linking this story with Beautiful Darkness, which can be found on AO3 on If We Hadn't Died or at: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11038490/1/
> 
> Please let me know your opinion :-)


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